August Left

Today has felt so heavy. I’ve just been sitting in my apartment all day feeling the fallout of everything that just happened in the last 24 hours. I still can’t believe that it’s real. That all of this just happened.

I called the mental health hotline last night. I just didn’t know who else to talk to and I could not get to sleep. It was helpful to say all of this out loud to someone and try to process it. I feel like I need to find a way to get back into therapy.

Of everything that hurts I struggle the most with how the narrative has been set to make me look like I am completely in the wrong. That I was the one who crossed boundaries that weren’t even set. I didn’t lie about anything. I was acting on the relations that I thought were still existing. I asked for transparency and never got it. This situation exploded because someone got caught.

My chest feels so heavy. This is like grieving the breakup all over again but now there are external forces involved. It is absolute no contact from here on out. I will do everything in my power for this person to never see or hear from me again. She has irreparably betrayed my trust and I will never forgive her for what happened.

I’m going to do my best to process all of this as healthily as I can. I need to take a long time to heal from this. Get myself away from this toxicity I have been experiencing the last couple months. It’s just so sad.

I’m going to keep my head down at work for a while. Everyone thought I was quiet before, I feel like now all I will be doing is suffering through my shifts in silence until it’s time to go home. I wish I was with my family. I need the support.

Thanks for reading.