August Left

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Colorado
  • Canvas – 7/20/2026.
    Done another stretch of work for the week. I got a job offer and actually signed my new job contract today. I put in my two weeks at my current job Friday night almost immediately after I started my shift. I’m really excited to finally step away and distance myself from my ex. Not working… Read more: Canvas – 7/20/2026.
  • Act – 7/15/2026.
    It’s been another slow couple of days off. I went to the lake today and spent some time on the water in my kayak. I felt guilty sitting inside when it was clear skies and 90 degrees outside. So I packed up and headed 20 minutes south to get some sunshine. It was really calming… Read more: Act – 7/15/2026.
  • Humanity – 7/10/2026.
    Getting ready to head into my stretch of three for the weekend. My days off this week were slow. I went on a ride yesterday with my friend from work. Other than getting caught in a little bit of rain, it was another enjoyable day getting out and putting miles on the bike. I’ve done… Read more: Humanity – 7/10/2026.
  • Spent – 7/7/2026.
    I had a really great day last week on my motorcycle trip. My friend and I went down to Colorado Springs, Canon City, and then drove back up through the canyons to get back to Denver. It was a long day, about 8 hours total. It gave me a lot more confidence on my motorcycle… Read more: Spent – 7/7/2026.
  • Smoke – 7/1/2026.
    I took a couple days to just do some recovery. My Crohn’s had flared up a little bit and the last couple days I have just felt like I couldn’t get enough sleep. I didn’t end up going fishing today like I had hoped, instead I just slept in until the afternoon and played some… Read more: Smoke – 7/1/2026.
  • Starter – 6/24/2026.
    The rain showed up. It’s thundering and lightening outside my apartment as I type. I had plans to go on a motorcycle ride with a friend from work tomorrow so we will see how wet everything is tomorrow when I wake up. I didn’t get up to as much as I’d hoped I would this… Read more: Starter – 6/24/2026.
  • Crush – 6/22/2026.
    I finished my stretch of three shifts for the weekend. It feels good to back on my usual schedule and know I have four days off this week before I have to return to work. Tonight I’m just taking it easy, I just ordered some takeout and am going to relax with a movie or… Read more: Crush – 6/22/2026.
  • Action – 6/18/2026.
    Today I finally got out of bed and went West to the mountains. I had plans to hangout with a friend from work today but he cancelled last minute so I told myself it was a sign to finally take the day and drive out West to see the Dillon Reservoir and Silverthorne like I… Read more: Action – 6/18/2026.
  • Still – 6/16/2026.
    I can’t sleep. It’s just after midnight and I can’t turn my brain off. I finished work Monday morning and fell right asleep when I got home. I was up for a bit in the afternoon but then went right back to bed after I ate some lunch. I underestimated how tired I was after… Read more: Still – 6/16/2026.
  • Flight – 6/13/2026.
    I applied to a flight nursing position this week here in Colorado. The service that is affiliated with the healthcare system I currently work for had an opening, and I applied. I know it kind of goes against me getting away from the hospital I’m at now, but this opportunity is a big deal. And… Read more: Flight – 6/13/2026.
  • Service – 6/9/2026.
    Just another day here in Denver. I am getting through the last couple shifts I have this week, tonight being a shift I’m covering for someone and tomorrow one I picked up as extra opportunity for some overtime monies. I’m pretty committed to the idea of getting out and doing some camping next week since… Read more: Service – 6/9/2026.
  • Wire – 6/6/2026.
    Getting through these flip-flop shifts this week. It’s honestly not that bad working a day, then having a night off, working again, but it doesn’t leave much time in the way of doing anything exciting on the night off. I woke up around noon today and it was already almost 90 degrees outside. It seems… Read more: Wire – 6/6/2026.
  • Self – 6/3/2026.
    I got a phone call today from Jen. I hadn’t heard from her all day after trying to make some more plans with her this week after being back for a couple days post camping trip. I kind of felt like something was coming, and she told me that maybe this isn’t something she thinks… Read more: Self – 6/3/2026.
  • Interlude – 6/2/2026.
    I went camping over the weekend with Jen. It was nice to get away for a couple days and go do something new. It was really windy which made it hard to keep a fire going and it got really cold at night but we persevered. I worked a shift Sunday and picked up tonight… Read more: Interlude – 6/2/2026.
  • Standby – 5/24/2026.
    Today is the last day of a stretch of four this weekend. Today I’m on call right now, just waiting to hear if they’ll need me to come in later. Otherwise I’m just trying to wind down and recover for the next couple days I have off. I plan to spend some time with this… Read more: Standby – 5/24/2026.
  • Open – 5/21/2026.
    I’ve noticed that I’ve been slower and slower to come back to this blog. I wonder if that’s because things are actually getting better for me emotionally or I just have less to say about it all now. Since my last update I blocked my ex’s number again. This time for good. After she had… Read more: Open – 5/21/2026.
  • Tie – 5/13/2026.
    It seems like the warm weather is finally starting to stick here in Colorado. The last couple of days have been sunny and warm, ones that really inspire me to actually get out of the house and try to go do things during my down time. However, I scheduled myself to work some overtime in… Read more: Tie – 5/13/2026.
  • Monday – 5/8/2026.
    I have quite the update from my last post. My ex reached out to me again. At 1 in the morning on Monday while we were both on shift she followed up about the coworker she had asked me about a week prior. Asking if I had heard back as she told me I should… Read more: Monday – 5/8/2026.
  • Cast – 5/3/2026.
    Tonight is the third of four shifts this weekend. It hasn’t been going so bad but it is feeling off of my usual groove. I’ve just been making sure to keep myself hydrated and sleep as much as I feel like so I don’t get too run down. The forecast is still predicting the possibility… Read more: Cast – 5/3/2026.
  • May – 5/1/2026.
    I can’t believe it’s May already. The year feels like it’s just blurring by. This last week has been nothing but cold and rainy and I’m about to start a stretch of four shifts in a row this weekend, which is not something I usually do. This week I just spent my days inside. I… Read more: May – 5/1/2026.
  • Familiar – 4/28/2026.
    I did something. And I’m still not sure how to feel about it. As I was walking in to work on Sunday, I saw my ex drive up in her car. And rather than just continue walking, I waited for her. When she saw me standing there I looked at her and asked if she… Read more: Familiar – 4/28/2026.
  • Pull – 4/26/2026.
    It’s my last shift of the weekend tonight. The last couple of days we have been working shorthanded and tonight seems like it’s going to be the same. My managers were sending out messages asking for people to come in and help. I don’t blame people for not wanting to be at work any more… Read more: Pull – 4/26/2026.
  • Teeth – 4/25/2026.
    Man, it has been a while. I don’t really know how posting on this blog consistently got away from me but it’s been almost two weeks. Honestly I think I have just been feeling really stuck lately. My life keeps moving forward but I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere. Since my last post about… Read more: Teeth – 4/25/2026.
  • Loops – 4/12/2026.
    Last shift of the week tonight. I feel flat today. I’m pretty tired, I don’t think I’ve been sleeping the best after my shifts which hasn’t helped. I have a treatment showing up Tuesday so I hope that fixes me up. Yesterday I got approached by my ex again as I walked into work. I… Read more: Loops – 4/12/2026.
  • Interview – 4/9/2026.
    I’m really happy that I started this blog. Even though it’s mostly been a tool for me to process this challenging time in my life, it’s nice to be able to go back and read and reflect where my thoughts have been over the last five months. I had an interview today for one of… Read more: Interview – 4/9/2026.
  • Easter – 4/5/2026.
    Happy Easter. I have my last shift of the week tonight. We are having a potluck at work so we can all celebrate Easter together. That makes the day feel a little more special while we are away from our loved ones. The last two days have been pretty steady. I’ve been quite tired during… Read more: Easter – 4/5/2026.
  • Frequent – 4/1/2026.
    I can’t believe it’s April already. The weeks are moving by so fast this year. I think it feels that way because my days aren’t really being lived right now, I’m just getting through them. It has been raining here. The weather has cooled off and so I haven’t had the motivation to get out… Read more: Frequent – 4/1/2026.
  • Safety – 3/29/2026.
    Getting ready for my last shift of the week tonight. Our census has been so low the last couple of days I actually got to stay home Friday night because they didn’t need me. I spent the night playing computer games with my brother, as that’s our only way to spend any time together living… Read more: Safety – 3/29/2026.
  • Drifter – 3/26/2026.
    I had an okay few days off this week. I didn’t get up to a whole lot. Mostly it was just forcing myself to get out of my apartment everyday and at least go get some sunshine. There is a park near my apartment that I have been frequenting. Somewhere to take long walks or… Read more: Drifter – 3/26/2026.
  • Design – 3/22/2026.
    Readying up for the last shift of the week. This stretch has been good, I got floated to another unit Friday night which didn’t end up being too busy. It’s nice to get my float date out of the way with an easy day. I’ve been brainstorming what I want to do this week on… Read more: Design – 3/22/2026.
  • Gravel – 3/18/2026.
    I did an important thing today. I got myself out of my apartment and took a couple hours out of the day to drive somewhere new. I’ve been having a hard time motivating myself to get out and do things. I don’t know if it’s a lack of enthusiasm from being a little depressed or… Read more: Gravel – 3/18/2026.
  • True – 3/15/2026.
    Tonight is my last shift for this stretch. Work has been easy this week. Nothing too busy or complicated. At this point I don’t really mind the boring shifts. Sometimes it’s hard to feel stuck there for 12 hours but it’s something I have to do. It snowed last night. Enough to cover the ground… Read more: True – 3/15/2026.
  • March – 3/13/2026.
    This week was so up and down with my sleep schedule. I don’t think I got a full nights rest at all this week just a bunch of naps here and there. I don’t know what is wrong with me right now. I thought maybe I was starting to get a little sick earlier in… Read more: March – 3/13/2026.
  • Silence – 3/10/2026.
    It’s currently 4 a.m. I got home from work yesterday morning with the intention of staying up for a while and enjoying some down time but ended up just falling asleep. I was awake for a bit in the afternoon, fell back asleep after some dinner and now I woke up a few hours ago,… Read more: Silence – 3/10/2026.
  • Warm – 3/8/2026.
    About to head into my last shift of the weekend tonight. It was nice working last night during the time change – it meant I worked an hour less than usual and I definitely noticed it when I got home and wasn’t immediately tired. We had a snow day Friday and it covered most of… Read more: Warm – 3/8/2026.
  • Callous – 3/4/2026.
    I got the truck back today. They did a good job. It looks exactly like it did before and I didn’t have to pay a dime. I met the woman that hit my truck in the parking garage today, she was nice and really apologetic. I took a little bit of a drive after I… Read more: Callous – 3/4/2026.
  • Pace – 3/3/2026.
    I got notification tonight that my truck is all fixed and ready to pick up. I’m relieved, that was a lot faster than the shop had told me saying it was going to be ready at the end of the month. I’ll go grab it tomorrow when I get the call they’re ready for me.… Read more: Pace – 3/3/2026.
  • Dull – 3/1/2026.
    I can’t believe it’s March already. It feels like the last 365 days just flew by. This time last year I was packed up and getting ready to move out here to Colorado. I’m about to head into my last shift of work this weekend. It hasn’t been very busy. They put a bunch of… Read more: Dull – 3/1/2026.
  • Headlights – 2/28/2026.
    Another weekend of work. This weekend doesn’t feel as heavy. I don’t know if that’s because the weather has been really nice this week or if I’m turning a corner. Regardless, I hope the weeks to come start to feel as steady as this one does. I saw my ex at work last night. We… Read more: Headlights – 2/28/2026.
  • Wander – 2/25/2026.
    It was a windy day here today and the warmest it has been all week. I didn’t get out of the house though. I didn’t want to have to deal with the wind. Something I have been noticing lately is I don’t really have a motivation to leave my apartment unless I have to. I’m… Read more: Wander – 2/25/2026.
  • Scratch – 2/24/2026.
    I took my truck into the shop yesterday. Unfortunately, they gave me a quote that it might take upwards of a month to get the truck repaired. That really sucks. Especially this week since the weather is going to be in the mid 60s on all of my days off. Oh well. I got really… Read more: Scratch – 2/24/2026.
  • Partition – 2/21/2026.
    Just about to head into my second shift of this week. My days off were slow. I didn’t do much other than some self care stuff like groceries and exercising. Someone hit my new truck in my parking garage. It damaged the front end and I have to take it in to get fixed. So… Read more: Partition – 2/21/2026.
  • Closure – 2/16/2026.
    Yesterday morning my ex approached me in the parking lot at work. I say approached, but she pulled up in her car and parked behind my truck. I just kind of sat there frozen, not knowing what she was doing or why. She got out and stood outside her car just looking at me sat… Read more: Closure – 2/16/2026.
  • Belief – 2/14/2026.
    Today sucks. I don’t really have much to say for this blog entry other than it’s been hard not to think of her today. I wonder if she has thought of me at all. I wonder if who ever this new person is has asked her to celebrate Valentine’s Day together. It all just makes… Read more: Belief – 2/14/2026.
  • Space – 2/13/2026.
    Time felt like it got away from me this week. It feels like I didn’t do much of anything but I was at least productive in the ways I said I would be. I pulled everything out of my closet. Put things away I need to stop looking at. Photos of her, of us. I… Read more: Space – 2/13/2026.
  • Cold – 2/8/2026.
    Well, it happened. I saw her at work. She helped bring some equipment up to my unit. It was quick. She dropped off what she brought up and left immediately. There was no eye contact, no lingering, just there and gone. And honestly it hurt. It just wrecks me that she has became so cold.… Read more: Cold – 2/8/2026.
  • Ache – 2/7/2026.
    Today has felt really heavy. I noticed my ex and I are working the same days again this week. For a moment I couldn’t understand why she would do that. She knows I work the weekends and I just assumed that she would schedule herself on days that didn’t line up with me. But I… Read more: Ache – 2/7/2026.
  • Repetition – 2/6/2026.
    I had another therapy appointment today. It’s been going well. Having another person to talk all this through with has been really helping. She occasionally asks me questions that challenge the why behind some of things that have happened. But I’m still having a hard time getting past feeling like she is just agreeing with… Read more: Repetition – 2/6/2026.
  • Dreams – 2/4/2026.
    I couldn’t sleep again last night. It took me forever to finally feel tired enough to close my eyes and when I did, I had a dream about my ex. We were back spending time with each other. She had just bought a house and wanted me to see it. She cut her hair. We… Read more: Dreams – 2/4/2026.
  • Listening – 2/2/2026.
    Done my days of work for the week. The last couple days just kind of blurred by but I really don’t mind. I was planning on staying up after my shift and trying to have a productive day but my lack of sleep has caught up to me. I ended up just eating, passing out… Read more: Listening – 2/2/2026.

Fractured – 1/21/2026.

I re-enrolled in therapy today. I know I need to get some help before the way I’m feeling gets any worse. It was a struggle to just get out of bed today and go get groceries. But I managed to go. I’m now having another sleepless night.

I thought I made a little bit of progress today starting to let go of all of this, but I fell asleep after lunch and woke up anxious all over again. I just can’t stop ruminating on how easily it felt like I was thrown away.

I can see how I should just be angry. Like how could I forgive someone who treated me this way? It’s just the empty feeling I have now. I lost a friend on top of all of this. We have a lot of history and it’s now just gone.

I started looking at motorcycles to buy. I really want to have one for the spring so I can get out and ride and clear my head. There are a couple places around me that sell used bikes, I just have to keep an eye out for one I like and one that’s in my price range. Maybe I can join a club or find others who ride so I can make some friends.

I also want to personalize my truck a little more. Get it set up better for camping and taking trips once the weather is nicer. I finally got my own snow brush. It snowed the other day and I had to borrow my coworkers to clean my car before breakfast. Just things to make sure I’m prepared on my own.

The finality of this chapter of my life has been traumatizing to say the least. I really want to just lay low for a long time to find myself again. I will keep trying.

Thanks for reading.

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