August Left

Done my stretch of shifts again for the week. This weekend went pretty smoothly. It was definitely cold going into work every night but the shifts went by quickly. I have another therapy appointment on Thursday to talk about how I’ve been feeling and reassess how things are going.

I still find myself thinking about things over and over again. Just this constant loop of trying to find a reason why everything went so wrong. My sleep this weekend felt okay but I don’t know if that has just been exhaustion or actual improvement. I am sleeping longer than I usually do, but that’s not intentional.

Since we got all the snow I don’t think I’ll get out much this week. I have a friend from work who is moving and I offered to help them since I have a truck, but we’ll see if they reach out.

My goal on my days off is to read some chapters. I’m just going to pick a book I have here and start. I have kept up with exercising and eating, but I also really want to start taking that more seriously now that I feel strong. Start tracking my calories again so I can gain all my weight back.

Lately I’m stuck on thinking of her with someone else. That she has someone to use to ignore all of this and that she isn’t sitting with any of these feelings. That she gets to go through all of the exciting moments of learning someone new not having to think of me, and it hurts. That I’m being intentionally forgotten and she erased me from her life.

I feel worthless. And now I’m just here going through all of it alone. I just want the snow to melt. That means I’m closer to getting out of here. Thanks for reading.