August Left

It’s almost that time. The new year gets here in just a couple days. I don’t have to work New Year’s Eve so I can take the night to relax into 2026. I got back from Canada on the 27th. My parents actually drove me back instead of me flying. It’s always a long trip, I’ve done that drive a few times now but it was nice to spend another day with them.

Since being back I’ve spent more time with my ex. She got back from a weekend away skiing with her best friend and wanted to grab dinner before I went to work on Sunday. We caught up a bit and then I worked that night. The next day we spent the whole Monday together. We went for a big walk, did some shopping and then made dinner together. I really enjoyed it.

I’ve been thinking more about what next year is going to look like for me. I’ve gone back and forth with the idea of leaving Colorado and seeing another state. But I’m anchored by the idea of if I leave, she is gone forever. It hurts to think about. But something has to change.

I’m honestly struggling here. I had to move into this apartment out of necessity to have easy access to work after we broke up and I didn’t have a car. But now I have a car payment again, this apartment, medical bills here and there, I’m not getting ahead very much. I’m trying to get a new contract at work, a weekend contract that is an additional $10 an hour. That would be really helpful.

I need to sit down and refocus on my finances. I was really good about investing and contributing to retirement in the past, but this year I just didn’t have additional funds to push that way. If I can get a better handle on where my money is going I might feel a little more secure.

I wonder if that’s why my ex made the comment about me being bad with money. Because of what she has seen this year with me struggling after being out of work for a couple months and trying to get back on my feet. It doesn’t really matter. I’ll get back on track.

In terms of us, I wonder how much longer this will go on. It seems like she wants to see me lately, but will it all slowly fade again? Right now she just gets all the comforts of a partner without the label. We are right back to where we were. I ask myself if the temporary comfort is worth the risk of continued heartbreak if we never reconcile?

My New Year goals: get back on track financially. Keep maintaining my health. I have felt great the last 30 days and wish to continue gaining healthy weight. And finally, rebuild my sense of identity and be someone who chooses themselves so that hopefully the people I love choose me too. Thanks for reading.