August Left

I got notification tonight that my truck is all fixed and ready to pick up. I’m relieved, that was a lot faster than the shop had told me saying it was going to be ready at the end of the month. I’ll go grab it tomorrow when I get the call they’re ready for me.

I’m glad I didn’t go get that rental yesterday. I ended up catching up on sleep instead. I figured if anything I would just grab it at the end of the week if I still needed it and after I was all rested up from my stretch of shifts.

I think tomorrow I’ll take a drive. It looks like the rain is going to stay away tomorrow so I’ll drive west a little bit and go see the mountains. Maybe I’ll find a place to grab lunch and take my book to read a couple chapters.

My work schedule for the next couple months is steady. I’m still working weekends and they have seemed to honor the days I requested. Still no word on the increased pay opportunity for the weekend contract however.

Emotionally I feel like I’m transitioning from grief to just feeling flat about everything. Things don’t hurt as bad but I really don’t have my stride back yet. I still have thoughts of if she is thinking of me or if she even feels sorry for anything.

On Sunday my coworker had asked me how I was doing. She had known my ex and I were still seeing each other in the previous months, knew about the confrontation with my ex and this new guy, the police escalation, and then I updated her about how my ex approached me at work a week or so ago in the parking lot for that “talk” she needed to have with me.

My coworker was defensive of me, but also really confused that my ex would even approach me after all she did to make sure I didn’t talk to her anymore. I’m glad to hear that others are just as confused as I am about it all.

I have no interest in talking to anyone, seeing anyone, or sleeping with anyone. I just want to get my life back on track and get back to being someone who feels like he has things going for him again. My mom had told me on the phone the other day about how career driven I was when I was living in New Mexico. She said I need to find my motivation for something like that again.

My semi-long term goal is a house. Probably in the next couple years. I think if I move back to New Mexico that will be the place to do it. Something modest. I don’t even mind doing fix-ups myself. If I secure a sign on bonus somewhere, that will be a good chunk of change for a down payment.

Until then I will keep on keeping on until August. Try to enjoy all that Colorado has and see if I have a change of heart about leaving here. Maybe I’ll find that motivation somewhere here in the mountains.

Thanks for reading.