August Left

I’m just about to head into my last shift of work this week. My shifts have been pretty good and I’m feeling a lot better. I’m looking forward to more rest on my days off.

My ex called me today. She had just gotten back from being away for the weekend and wanted to just make small talk. She told me about her days off and said she is going out of town again this week once she finishes her shifts. She called out of work tonight as she said she “wasn’t feeling it”.

I’m starting to feel so empty when I talk to her. She is telling me about all these things she is doing – going out of town again to go back to Albuquerque to see her friends and spend more days away. And I’m just thinking to myself why is she sharing all this with me?

I don’t like hearing about all these plans. It just reinforces how her life is moving forward without me and that sucks. I cut the phone conversation short. She asked if had plans and I told her I was going to see a hockey game and go to the western show this week and she asked me if I was going on a date.

I was honest and told her no. But why does she still care? It’s so strange. In the quiet moments I miss talking to her but then when the phone rings and this is the conversation we have it doesn’t make me feel any better. I can’t function as her friend.

She said over the phone it didn’t really sound like I wanted to talk. I just told her I was getting ready for work and there wasn’t really anything new to chat about. She replied “Well I like talking to you, even if it’s about nothing”. And that’s great for her. Because it doesn’t hurt her the way it hurts me.

She gets her emotional fill while I’m left wanting more. Moving on her with her life. It must be nice. I’m going to live with the silence this week while I try to keep taking care of myself.

Thanks for reading.