August Left

This is probably the worst entry I hope I’ll ever put in this blog. I had written about how my ex wanted to see me earlier in the week and how I refused to see her with such small time constraints. If we were going to hangout it needed to be intentional, planned, and during a time we both weren’t rushed. I didn’t want to feel like a backup plan.

Tuesday night we were talking over text while she was at work. Things just haven’t felt the same lately. I didn’t really know how to put it into words. So just with how everything was feeling between us I asked her frankly if she had slept with anyone yet and she said no. But she admitted she missed our intimacy.

So I conceited and asked if she wanted to try to see each other before she left town Thursday morning. She had told me she had dinner plans with coworkers Wednesday night so she couldn’t. But instead she asked if we could get together Sunday when she got back. I was confused as to why she couldn’t see me after dinner and maybe spend the night like she has before when she was about to leave for trips.

Today came around and she video called me when she woke up. She had said she had chores to do and needed to pack for her trip out of town so she couldn’t see me but she was going to text me throughout the day. I didn’t hear from her at all. I texted late this evening asking how dinner was and she replied briefly saying she was still out with friends. But again I have had these feelings of something being off for a couple weeks now.

I drove over to her apartment, which is not something out of the ordinary for me to do, I do it all the time. Her car was parked there. And then I saw her walking her dog with another man. I walked over and called her name. She looked completely shocked. I just looked at her while my heart was racing and said “Do you want to talk?” she replied “No”. I asked why she didn’t just tell me. She said “It’s none of your business”.

Weeks ago we both agreed that we would tell each other if one of us started talking to someone new. So we wouldn’t have to guess if we felt the other person starting to fade away. She lied. She kept bread-crumbing me. Acting like I still mattered to keep me around. Last weekend she even sent a text saying she was thinking of me as she was leaving for her ski trip. And then had the gall to try to make plans this week to see me.

I looked at the other guy and told him to be careful. That she had planned on seeing me and called me earlier in the day. I told him it’s going to end up happening to him too.

I’m just in shock at the moment. I haven’t cried but I know it’s coming. This all hits so much harder than even the breakup. This was the worst way to find out. Especially since she would have just kept stringing me along and I would have never known.

If any of you reading have any words or advice I would really appreciate it. I have nobody to talk to about this but family and it’s going to be a really hard couple weeks or months to process all of this. I am now truly alone in this state. I can’t even regard her as a friend anymore. She clearly doesn’t respect me.

Thanks for reading.