August Left

It’s so hard working night shift going through something like this. I find myself replaying everything over and over in my head every time there is even a little bit of down time.

I keep trying to identify reasons why this could have happened. And I know I’m going to wear myself out because I will never get the answers to any of it. This whole experience has created negative connections with so many things in my life now.

I find myself hating anything associated with my ex. The type of music she listened to. Her hobbies. Our workplace that causes us to have to overlap. Anything that I tied to her as a person just causes pain.

I hope once I regain feelings of agency and safety again these things don’t sting as badly. I need to focus on not trying to fix these reactions, just avoid building a life around them.

I slept horribly when I got off of work. I never dream. But today I could not stop thinking about everything and the things I was seeing were so vivid. I kept waking up not knowing if I was startled or just upset.

I have two more shifts to get through and then I can take the week to relax and unwind. Try to do something that starts to shift my focus back inwards again.

Thanks for reading.