August Left

I’m done work for the week. I have a few days off now to try and relax. It snowed last night. Just enough to make the roads icy. This seems to always happen right before my days off. Just enough snow to make me second guess driving west to go see something new.

I’m proud of myself. I did a really good job this weekend making sure I ate and exercised. The sleep part still needs to improve but hopefully this week that will get a little easier.

I went out for breakfast with a coworker this morning. They were kind and wanted to talk with me more about everything that has been going on. He said he has been through the same thing and was empathetic to it all. He offered to be available if I ever wanted to plan something to get out of the house.

I’m still hurting a lot. I feel discarded, disrespected, lied to. It hurts to think about her being with someone else and using them as a distraction so she doesn’t have to feel any of this.

But I’m trying to settle into a rhythm. Making sure I eat. Move my body. Have small routines that keep me going. Nights are the hardest time. My mind wanders and I develop so many questions.

It’s not my fault. I keep saying that to myself over and over. It’s not my fault, and I was wronged. There is an artist, Daniel Caesar, that I am really fond of. His music has been a big part of my life the last couple years for a bunch of different reasons.

I am leaning heavily on his music lately to help me get through this and process things. When I have quiet moments I put on his music to recenter myself.

Doing all this writing has helped me a lot too. Knowing that there are people out there that I am sharing this with makes me feel a little less alone.

So truly, thanks for reading.