August Left

I had another therapy appointment today. It’s been going well. Having another person to talk all this through with has been really helping. She occasionally asks me questions that challenge the why behind some of things that have happened. But I’m still having a hard time getting past feeling like she is just agreeing with everything I say.

My days off feel like they just fly by. I’m up all night long thinking about things and during the day I don’t go out at all unless it’s to get groceries or check my mail. That’s sort of the problem. My days aren’t meaning anything to me anymore. Just more time I have to spend awake.

It’s a combination of not having motivation to do things, but also trying to not spend any money so I can keep on track getting everything back under control. I’m sure I can start going to the park or something and taking walks. Just small steps to get myself out of the house that don’t cost anything but the gas to get there.

I really don’t want to be writing all of these things down and not acting on them. So far I’ve kept my word. I’ve been exercising, reading, saving money, trying to heal. But all of these won’t count for anything unless I’m consistent. That’s the kind of man I want to be. One who does what he says he is going to do.

The warm weather is getting here faster than I thought. The forecast the last week or so has been around 60 Fahrenheit. That’s really promising, it means I can finally have some real sunshine soon. I’m sure that will also help my mood.

The only way all of this gets better is with time. As much as it still hurts now, I hope it doesn’t soon.

Thanks for reading.