August Left

This week was so up and down with my sleep schedule. I don’t think I got a full nights rest at all this week just a bunch of naps here and there. I don’t know what is wrong with me right now. I thought maybe I was starting to get a little sick earlier in the week but that feeling went away and now it’s just insomnia.

I start my stretch of shifts tonight. I am definitely going to have to have a nap before my overnight or else I might be suffering by time 2 a.m rolls around.

This week was warm but windy. I tried to get out on the days that I could but yesterday was 30 mile per hour winds and didn’t really feel like putting up with it. I just did little trips out like to the bank to make a deposit and to get my truck washed.

I got a new seat for the bike. It had an old tuck and roll seat on it that made it look kind of dated, so I bought a new Saddleman step-up seat from Thrashin Supply Co. I think it looks a lot better. I think the next big changes I’m going to make is some risers and mid-bend handle bars. The buck horns are nice but I don’t think it fits the style I had in mind.

Other than that it’ll just be some new tires, and replacing some of the old accessories with more chrome. I need a new battery cover, rear brake master cylinder cover, and new clutch/front brake controls. Then just replacing the foot controls, shift arm, and passenger pegs with something that fits the bike a little better.

Other than tinkering with the bike, I really have zero motivation to do much else. My days off this week was a lot of sitting around just waiting until my brother got off work so I could play video games with him. I don’t know how to get myself out of this funk.

The next couple nights while I’m at work will be my time to start putting together a plan on what comes next. I didn’t want to spend my off days thinking about it and I figured doing it overnight when I have down time just made more sense.

Oh yeah. I got nominated employee of the month at work. They sent out a big message to all the staff and my name is put up on our poster board at work saying congratulations. That felt really good. I guess even with all I got going on I am still managing to do good things in other people’s eyes.

Otherwise I still find myself ruminating. Now it’s just wondering if she still has any of the same thoughts that I have. If she misses me at all, if she has any regret, if she has tried to reach out to me but couldn’t because I have her number blocked. It hurts to just think she is living her best life with this new guy carrying on like it’s all okay.

I saw that her brother and his wife just announced that they were pregnant a few days ago. That one hit pretty hard. I knew that since they had just got married in November that was going to be the next big life milestone for them. All I could think about is if my ex had any thoughts or feelings like she wanted to tell me.

I’m really happy for them. I know my ex is so excited to be an aunt. That baby will be so spoiled and loved. I blocked their accounts afterwards. I know seeing any more of that stuff will not be good for me. But I’m glad I at least saw the announcement.

And I will continue to move forward. I will keeping moving ahead so that I have a life I can smile about. One day at a time.

Thanks for reading.