August Left

I did an important thing today. I got myself out of my apartment and took a couple hours out of the day to drive somewhere new. I’ve been having a hard time motivating myself to get out and do things. I don’t know if it’s a lack of enthusiasm from being a little depressed or hesitation around going out and spending money unnecessarily.

Today I drove to Wellington Lake. I packed my fishing rod and drove about an hour to go check it out. Google maps took me the back way for some reason so I did about 10 miles of driving through logging roads which was fun. I’m glad I own a truck because I would not have made it in a car.

I took some pictures and then headed back home. It was almost 80 Fahrenheit out today. When I got back I washed my truck and then went for a walk around the park by my apartment. It’s going to be so nice out the next couple days I’ll feel too guilt staying inside. It’s time to finally get some sunshine.

I get my injection for my Crohn’s tomorrow. It’s good timing because I am starting to have some symptoms. Mostly just random bloating and occasional stomach pain. But I’ll be all fixed up tomorrow and be good for another few weeks.

I’ve been trying to fix my sleep schedule this week. So far I’ve done a good job. No staying up all night long or falling asleep mid afternoon. I just have to stay up until about 2200 tonight and then I’ll probably wake up around 0500 tomorrow like I did today. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow at 1100.

My manager sat and talked with my for a bit Monday morning before my shift ended. She had heard from my check in that I was planning on leaving. She didn’t protest or ask why, she was just wondering where I was going next and what my future aspirations are. She was the one I called and informed the morning I got the call from the police when my ex called and told them she didn’t want to speak to me again.

For right now I think the safe bet is going back to New Mexico. I’ll be falling back into familiarity and I think that’s just what I need right now. Some time to get back on track and not have to worry about navigating too many unknowns. I’m slowly starting to plan my exit as June quickly approaches.

I go back and forth wondering if I should still be ruminating on everything. I still think about my ex everyday. Sometimes wondering how she is doing, sometimes thinking about how badly she treated me in the end. I saw her cleaning snow off her car when I was leaving work Monday morning. She didn’t look like she was looking around for me. I wonder if she ever does.

It puzzles me why she parks in the front lot where I have to walk though instead of the garage behind the hospital like I thought she usually did. It would just make sense to avoid me if she parked in the garage behind the hospital since I park on the hill on the front side of the building.

Who knows. I guess I can’t keep wondering why about these things. I will never know the answers. But that’s where I’m at still. Not fully over this whole thing. I don’t even feel anywhere close.

I’m going to make sure I get more sun tomorrow. Go for another drive somewhere to walk. Even if it’s just around the corner. Sunshine, exercise, and keeping myself healthy. That’s what I deserve right now.

As always –

Thanks for reading.