August Left

Last shift of the week tonight. I feel flat today. I’m pretty tired, I don’t think I’ve been sleeping the best after my shifts which hasn’t helped. I have a treatment showing up Tuesday so I hope that fixes me up.

Yesterday I got approached by my ex again as I walked into work. I was parking my motorcycle and taking off my helmet and she came up to me smiling expressing surprise I got a motorcycle. She asked me when I got the bike, but I quickly just put up my hand and said “I’m good”.

I started to walk into work and she followed me trying to get my attention more by calling my name, even using my middle name to try to get me to turn around. I didn’t look back, I just kept walking and wished her a good shift.

It really shook me the rest of the night. I was pretty worked up after the whole interaction and confused. This is just another thing that goes against her stated intentions of maintaining this hard, legal, boundary between us. I was angry she approached me all bubbly and smiling like nothing was wrong.

Of course then for the rest of the night I was expecting some kind of message from her over work chat asking for some kind of clarification about the interaction. But it didn’t happen thankfully. She wasn’t around when I left work to leave this morning either.

It makes me wonder what she was expecting from that. Did she think I was going to be warm and friendly? Like the last couple of months has been enough time for me to let go how she treated me?

Goes to show she isn’t capable of maintaining healthy boundaries with people. Even after all that she thinks it’s still okay to come up and talk to me when she was one who expressed that it was necessary for us to never speak again.

I was also told by one of my coworkers she was asking about me. She was pressing my coworker telling them that we used to date and tried to make conversation about me. My coworker said it felt really inappropriate with how much my ex wanted to keep me the topic of conversation.

So I don’t know what to think about all of this. I still have my ex’s phone number blocked. The only way she would be able to talk to me is in person and the only conversation I will have with her is a genuine honest apology with her taking full accountability of everything she did and acknowledging how it has affected me.

And then I would have to think very long and hard about if I accept it or not.

That’s why it’s so important for me to leave. So the potential for all of this to happen becomes slim to none.

I just want to finish my shift this week and relax.

Thanks for reading.