August Left

Today is the last day of a stretch of four this weekend. Today I’m on call right now, just waiting to hear if they’ll need me to come in later. Otherwise I’m just trying to wind down and recover for the next couple days I have off.

I plan to spend some time with this new person I have been seeing. It’s a little difficult with our work schedules. She works the week 8-4, has weekends off. I work the weekends, and am off during the week. So usually it’s just catching one another after work on weekdays or on Mondays when she has a day off.

I have a camping trip planned next weekend as I made a schedule switch with a coworker of mine that gave me a Friday off. The campsite is out west about an hour, a place I had been wanting to go see for the past few months but was always deterred by the snow. It seems like now is finally the time as we have had nice weather.

I’ve been reflecting the past couple days and it feels like I’m finally settling into some kind of peace. Parts of my life still feel chaotic but I am starting to get over this part of my life that felt like I had hit a dead end.

I’m also thinking a lot about what I really want in life, who I am becoming as a person, and what kinds of things I need to start doing for myself to get me to those places. Being an individual is so complicated. There are so many facets of life that require your attention, sometimes it’s hard to take a second and really focus on yourself and what you deserve.

I’ve gotten really lucky. I came to Colorado and was moving to a space that was empty and full of unknown for me. And I was relying a lot on another person to help me fill that empty space because I didn’t think I was equipped to fill it on my own.

But honestly the last few months have really shown me that I am extremely capable and true about who I am. And thankfully that has done enough to fill my circle with a lot of people who have shown genuine care and kindness to me. And I’m so grateful for that.

It made me start to realize that I am becoming a person that people enjoy being around. Someone who is reliable, dependable, capable. All traits I told myself I wanted to be seen as so I was a person in people’s lives who they recognized as being safe. I just want to be seen as a good person.

Getting away this weekend will give me more time to think a lot about all of these things. Maybe I’ll start making it a habit getting away and spending time with my thoughts. It would be good to slow life down a little more and begin to enjoy the little things again.

Thanks for reading.