August Left

Getting through these flip-flop shifts this week. It’s honestly not that bad working a day, then having a night off, working again, but it doesn’t leave much time in the way of doing anything exciting on the night off.

I woke up around noon today and it was already almost 90 degrees outside. It seems like the weather is going to stay like this for the next week or so, of course when my days will be taken up by sleeping after a night shift or going in to work for the night.

Honestly I’d like to plan another camping trip. I guess this time by myself. I feel a little bit more inspired but what I need to bring with me to make the trip easy. I found this cookware set online that I’m going to pick up and actually get a portable camping stove so I don’t have to rely on a fire to cook. I think most places here right now have a no burn rule in effect anyway because of the heat and dryness.

This time for sure I want to end up somewhere wooded. Secluded by trees, access to a lake to fish from. I’d love to make myself a fish dinner one of the nights I’m there. I used to do that a lot with my friends growing up around Lake Erie and the rivers that ran through my area of Southwestern Ontario.

As part of this internal reflection about my future I’ve been having, the topic of money comes up. A lot of my peers are moving onto higher education. But unfortunately, the position of CRNA does not exist in Canada. It’s an extremely lucrative job, and obviously requires a lot of expensive schooling. However, it’s too much of a gamble for me to attain that kind of education and take on those kinds of loans and then maybe for whatever reason in the future not be able to work in the United States.

I’ve considered Nurse Practitioner, but of course I could be paying extra tuition fees being internationally educated or not being considered a resident of a state I attend school in given my visa status. I could return home to go to school, but that just uproots my life even more.

So then I think about real-estate, purchasing homes to rent out like Air-BNB or flip. I have the skill set to get into that kind of thing, and in some ways it sounds really peaceful to have project that is ongoing. Just something to focus on and eventually fix up for a decent return. But I don’t know if Colorado is the place to do it.

I’m starting to understand more and more this feeling of deep introspection people start having around my age. I turn 30 in August. And you really do just start hyper analyzing everything about your life. All the choices you’ve made leading up to now, what your choices are going to mean moving forward. I try not to let it overwhelm me, but it does create a lot of thinking.

I feel like in the grand scheme of things I am in a good position. I really don’t have anything tying me down to one place anymore. I have a healthy retirement fund going. I have some debt, but nothing in comparison to my peers that carry around $50,000 plus of student loans on top of everything else in their life.

Comparison is the thief of joy for sure. And I think I really just need to start measuring my success and happiness by what I feel on the inside and not what I think it looks like to other people. My motto is kind of turning into do whatever you want, if it makes you happy. Buy the motorcycle. Buy the boat. Order that takeout. If you can live with yourself at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.

People have told me I have a level head and so I’m glad that just being myself comes off as steady to others. I guess that means I’m doing something right.

Tonight I’m going to play computer games with my brother and make some fajitas.

Thanks for reading.