August Left

Today I start my stretch of shifts for the weekend. I spent the last couple days off mapping out what the next 12 weeks are going to look like. The habits I’m going to work on developing, financial plans I’m going to carry out, and the progress I’m going to make turning my life back into something that doesn’t make me feel so lost.

I get my first paycheck from this new job tomorrow, which is basically step one in this whole process. Get the bills and debt taken care of. Create a budget to make sure I never end up in this position ever again. And continue to have a solid retirement contribution to make sure my money keeps growing as the years go by.

I took some time to read some of my posts from a year ago. I’m glad I kept such frequent documentation of everything. It’s been helpful to be able to go back and reflect, but also to see how much the hard work has actually paid off.

I look back on everything and just remember how painful it has all felt and how badly I wished to be catapulted forward to a time where it was all better. I can say for sure I am not a very patient person. But this whole process has forced me to sit and work through the difficult times. It’s shown me I just have to keep going.

I read something last night about the distinction between strong will and skillful will. Strong will is using persistence and raw effort to get through things, while skillful will is using intelligence, self-control, and strategy to achieve results while having to expend less energy.

I feel like for the most part, I have just been strong willed through a lot of this. Being extremely persistent forcing myself to get through every day. And now finally that I’ve started this new job and put myself in a different environment to give myself space to change and grow, I can now use skillful will to keep moving myself forward.

Of course all of this is a learning experience. And I know now I’ll be able to recognize the signs that led me to this position I ended up in more than a year ago.

So now it’s just a matter of being skillful in the things I do over the next 12 weeks.

Thanks for reading.