August Left

Today is my first shift at the new job. I actually got really lucky with my schedule. There was no guarantee about what it was going to look like, as per this contract I wasn’t able to pick which days I worked, but thankfully the manager did me a favor and grouped my days together like I would have anyway.

It’s going to be interesting to see how this 1500-0300 schedule feels. It’s been so nice having a normal sleep cycle the last 30 days or so. I have the odd night shift I have to work, but at least it’s not the majority of the shifts I’ll be working.

It really feels like Fall here now. The mornings are cool. It’s currently 65 degrees Fahrenheit and overcast. The days are expected to still be hot in the 80s and sunshine the rest of the week, but then the rain starts and the temperature will start cooling down gradually as we approach the first expected snowfall of the year.

Hopefully the snowfall doesn’t start too early. It still seems like the predictions for snow are still a mixed bag from what I had been reading online.

I think the plan is to fly home after my contract is over. Right around the end of November. If I still have a good chunk of cash in reserve, I’ll probably just spend the month of December at home and reset before flying back and having a new job lined up. And honestly, if this contract thing goes well, I might just be doing this from now on. It just makes the most sense financially.

I really don’t have the motivation to sign on somewhere and stay loyal to a hospital system that doesn’t pay anywhere close to what these contracts bring in. My first payday for this job is in 10 days. Honestly, when my brother was visiting, I spent more than I should have but it is what it is. So I am very much looking forward to my first check. And then all my problems are over.

Work the rest of this contract, be financially free again, take another contract and continue to build. I guess that’s all I’ve really got in terms of job updates.

Personally I’ve been keeping up hanging out with people I met at my old job. I’m trying to keep my social circle expanded rather than it shrinking down to just me again now that I’ve left the place I spent the last year and a half getting to know other people. I’m sure there will opportunity to meet new people at this new job, but maybe less so since I’m only there temporarily.

I’m back to that point where I really don’t know what direction everything is going in. I know I have this job, and will be taking another job after that, but other than just working I don’t feel like I have anything in my sights right now. I don’t know how to feel about it anymore. I’m less sad than I was and I don’t feel any anxiety about it. But it feels kind of empty. I’m still trying to figure out how to make that feeling go away.

I was thinking the other day about the finality of telling my ex not to speak to me anymore and just having to accept the fact I will probably never speak to her again. And it sucks that it had to happen, but I couldn’t keep feeding into this cycle of disrespect that kept happening between us.

Dating doesn’t seem too enticing right now though. I’m sure it would feel nice to have someone to spend time with and do things with that I have a deeper connection with than just something platonic. But I don’t think I have the capacity to foster anything deeply romantic with anyone currently.

It seems like my ex was ready right away. And that feels really weird to think about. It makes me wonder how she was okay to just dive right into something like again while still engaging with me like she was. I guess I’ll never know.

I hope my first shift goes smoothly and this new routine feels easy. Only 12 more weeks and it’s already over. Hopefully by then the way forward seems a little more obvious.

Thanks for reading.