August Left

Today is the last day of my mini “sabbatical”. It has been really refreshing to spend the last 20 days or so resting and recovering, enjoying my hobbies, centering myself again, and preparing for the next chapter of my life I’m about to start tomorrow.

I think what I’m most looking forward to is making really good money the next 13 weeks and it giving me back some of the power I have felt like I had lost in the last year or so. Finally resetting my finances, putting a little bit of extra cash in the bank, and giving me the agency to choose whatever I want to do next.

Things have already been off to a really good start. I’ve spent the last week or so after my brother left keeping my sleep schedule in check, I’ve been working out everyday, and have started to fine tune my diet. I’ve just been getting myself in the habit of having a really solid routine that I want to carry on through this contract and hopefully beyond.

It’s pretty cliché, but turning 30 years old seems like a pretty good reason to get my health dialed in as much as possible. It will just set me up to make sure I am the most capable to continue doing all the things I enjoy doing.

Otherwise, it’s really starting to feel like Fall. There is just something about the mornings now. I can feel it in the air. This time of year always feels sentimental to me. I don’t know if it’s the association of going back to school I had when I was growing up, the feelings knowing summer is coming to an end, or just the winding down that always came with the fall and winter months living on our farm back home.

Of course there is also the memories of how different my life felt this time last year. I had just moved into this apartment. I was feeling so lost and helpless with everything that had gone on. And then of course I was still experiencing my ex coming in and out of my life. We were still talking, she was still wanting to see me, and my days off were spent going back and forth spending time with her.

I’ve been reflecting about how much longer I’m going to have feelings about this. When am I going to look back on this whole experience and not feel like a loser? I’ve started to reconcile that I’m not this weird, dangerous person like I was made out to be. I think the identity injury I sustained has been the worst part of all of this. But I’ve been reassuring myself, it’s hard to believe that to be true when she still continued to contact me even after she labeled me as this bad person she wanted to stay away from. It was all self-serving on her part.

I guess I wonder if my disappearance from her life has made her to stop and think about me at all. I left our workplace 21 days ago. I haven’t spoken to her since May 17th. But maybe those are just thoughts I shouldn’t have anymore. Because what she thinks about me doesn’t matter.

Moving forward, my goal is to get back on my feet. I have been talking to a flight instructor to get me in the air again. I want to get back into that hobby. I haven’t flown since November of last year. At least I can get some flight time in before it gets really cold and being up in the air isn’t as enjoyable.

And once my finances are settled, I’m going to save for an old Mustang. A 60s model. There are plenty for sale here in Colorado. But I want my own to have to drive around in the summer time. Some old school cool. That will definitely make me happy.

Until then, thanks for reading.