August Left

I’ve been finding it strange coming back to this blog. I read over the posts that have filled the entirety of my homepage and just think to myself, what’s next? Most of it has just been boring, repetitious, and mundane. But honestly that’s just been my life lately. Or at least what I’ve been trying to cultivate.

And as I’ve said over and over again in the last few posts, the unknown in front of me, much like the white screen I stare at before I write my thoughts into this blog, fill me with this sense of uneasiness. A feeling that something needs to be done to fill the space. Something needs to be written to fill the screen.

I don’t think I do myself any favors for how much I sit and think. I pace myself in circles everyday trying to make sense of what life is supposed to mean for me right now. And even with all the rumination I still haven’t come up with anything that makes me go “eureka!”. I don’t know why I just can’t exist and that be enough.

At least for the next couple months I’ll be taking another contract. Just making money and living the same routine day after day to keep things status quo. I’m worried for winter. Just like I was last year. The cold makes me feel isolated, like I have to hide away until the sun comes out in spring and invites me back into the world.

Maybe by then I’ll be in a better place. And like the trees and flowers all over Colorado, I’ll get my chance to bloom again.

There hasn’t been much to report on. I have 3 more weeks until I’m finished at my current contract. I have been seeing someone regularly for about a month or so. She is kind, and in some ways I think she struggles with the same “life things” as I do. It has been nice to have some company in that regard.

It has been getting colder. The days lately have been rainy and approaching freezing temperatures at night. The snow has been collecting in the mountains for all the people who enjoy skiing and snowboarding.

I’m realizing I need to get more prepared for the weather. I need to invest in better boots so I can be outside comfortably when it’s cold. I need to make sure my truck is ready for it’s first true winter, by weighing down the bed and maybe even buying chains for the tires.

I’ve been doing my best to stay healthy. I’m tracking my weight and taking supplements like iron and vitamin D so that my serum levels stay adequate over the next few months. My Crohn’s has been managing okay.

My brother and I have decided to start a computer game together. So that will at least give me something to look forward to in the evenings when he is free after work. I do miss his company. I wish I could re-live August when he was here visiting.

My week is an odd one. I work on one and then am off one, repeated for the next 5 days. It’s going to make my sleep nearly impossible to regulate but I will do my best. At least it’s almost over.

Thanks for reading.