August Left

Growing up my Dad had this newspaper cut out taped to his desk that served as his daily motivation as he navigated raising two kids and providing for our family. It said something along the lines of “life is easier when you’ve got a lot of monies”.

Similarly, I framed a dollar bill a couple years ago and have been keeping it with me. Even when I moved states here to Colorado. I wrote on it in black permanent marker. It says “a dollar for when things don’t make cents”.

Obviously a play on words, but it has served as my own reminder. Just like my Dad’s little newspaper cut out, it calls back to the truth that life is a lot easier when you have the money to do what you want.

That’s kind of how I feel now that I’m a couple weeks into this contract. It’s been a while since I have not felt crushed by the constant cycle of bills that take money out of my account every month. Now I get to see my savings grow and don’t have to worry about making $40 dollars get me by between paychecks.

That’s not to say I’m still not still very aware of making sure I don’t start creating financial problems for myself again. But I’ve at least regained some agency with being able to fill my gas tank every week and not keep myself at home just because I couldn’t afford to waste the fuel.

It gives me a chance to live a little again. I’ve been watching the leaves change all around me here in Colorado. The most beautiful times of the year with all the colors of Autumn. I definitely need to get out in the next couple weeks and take it all in.

I’m proud of myself for enduring the last year. Even though sitting here, staring over at my framed dollar bill I don’t feel completely fixed. But I’m at least moving forward in the right direction.

I work a night shift tonight. Then I have some days off. I made some plans to get dinner with someone tomorrow. I’m trying to get myself back out there and make some new connections.

Not because I’m looking to fill a void or that I’m trying grab ahold of the future I had envisioned for myself here in Colorado before it slipped away. But because I need to start feeling human again. And living involves feeling the good things too. Not just the bad.

Thanks for reading.